The latest edition of the Daily Beast shares a picture that Trump passed on to his base. The picture shows Hilary Clinton, Barak Obama, Robert Mueller, and many other “enemies” huddling behind prison bars. This infuriated me and released me to publish a brief flight of imagination that I’ve long wanted write: Imagining Donald Trump in prison. I hope you like it.
Breaking News: Trump in Prison. Donald Trump, who was found hiding on his Florida golf course, munching on some French fried potatoes and sipping a giant frozen milk shake, has been arrested today.
At last, justice has been served and he is now behind bars—likely for the remainder of his tawdry life. Only vegetables will be served in prison. No television will be permitted. He will remain in isolation for most of each day, with no one to scream at. There will be an enforced hour of exercise outdoors with his co-residents. He is wearing striped prison garb and his head has been shaved.
The crimes are too many to name but let me name a few:
- Collusion with Russia to win the 2016 election. Of course, collusion is a mild word, and some would argue that the real crime is Treason: conspiring against the American democratic system for personal and political gain. Finally, prosecutors and Congress agree that he has gone over the edge in committing “high crimes and misdemeanors.”
- Obstruction of justice. The instances are innumerable and have become increasingly blatant, beginning by firing James Comey and now offering his former campaign chief, Paul Manefort, a pardon in exchange for withholding the truth about Russian interference.
- Using the Office of the President to prosecute his political “enemies,” a primary tactic used by all dictators, especially those Trump admires, such as Putin, Saudi Prince, Mohammed Bin Salman, Erdogan of Turkey, and Philippine strongman, Duterte, to name a few.
- Emoluments Using his office to make millions, if not billions of dollars. This has never been in question.
- Lying publicly, chronically, despicably about issues that are vital to the American public’s ability to assess policy and vote intelligently.
- Tax evasion and money laundering. This goes back decades.
- Assaulting and then paying off women, with whom he had affairs, to make sure they didn’t hurt his presidential campaign.
I’ll stop at these, though it is obvious that we could go on and on.
News sources also indicate that Donald Jr, Ivanka, Jared Kushner, and other members of the Trump clan are soon to join their loving father in the clink.
One fun and galling little addendum: The IRS has discovered that Trump is actually bankrupt. He has been moving his money around, borrowing to cover debts at an increasing rate, and depending on Deutsche Bank and Russian Oligarchs to keep his organization afloat. As a result of this discovery, Malania and her young son, Barron, and her parents have fled to the Balkans. Their current location is unknown.
We regret to add that during Trump’s one hour free from isolation, he has been bullied by inmates who, in a former life, were wrestlers and coal miners. They have left him bruised and begging for help. For unstated and maybe unknown reasons, guards failed to break up the fights. Though, Trump’s use of the N and the K word may have something to do with their reluctance. Even before we asked, he called that Fake News.
Well folks, that’s it for today’s news from Gotham City.